As I continue to see posts of girls and their moms at their 3rd, 4th, 5th, or 6th Nationals *this summer*…
All of your dresses are beautiful but all of that stoning and satin doesn’t cover the fact that you’re desperate for a crown, any crown.
It makes me think… and ask… Who is desperate for the crown?
Are moms, coaches, and supporters stuck in the mentality that they needed to “find the place” where their girl would win?
ADULTS that were intensely researching systems…debating…and making pro-con lists?
It was ADULTS that lost sight of the thing that I keep saying. – THIS. ISNT. ABOUT. US.
It is the ADULTS that were “desperate for the crown.”
Meanwhile, a 14-year-old could read you like a book when you went to watch another system’s finals. She knew she was being presented with that system as an option for her – without saying a word.
And as you walked to the car afterward, looked over and she had tears running down her face and said, “I know exactly where I want to compete. And I want to keep going back there. Year after year. I don’t care if they never crown me. It’s where I want to go. I love it there.
Before you get desperate for the crown, any crown. Know she is gonna know. She is going to see it and it will make her sad.
Stop doing mental gymnastics! Your daughter has been content and happy with the title she holds and has known exactly where her next adventure lies (which, for non-pageant folk, is “pageant speak” for “where she’s competing next.”) SHE wasn’t doing a bit of research or making a single pro-con list. Her HEART decided for her.
Always try to be your pageant mom. Know you are not alone in being the MOM that’s desperate for a crown for her daughter or thinks you are alone in making it about you.
Your girls deserve better.
They deserve to stand on their own two high-heel-wearing feet and make their own choices.
They should be ENCOURAGED to find their “pageant home” and go back year after year without a deep, desperate need to win.
Compete at all the “Little Miss Podunk Festival” pageants you want, but we’re sending the wrong message to our daughters when we prioritize winning over personal development, growth opportunities, the value of loyalty, and finding “your people” and reveling in the relationships that are fostered.
I can’t wait to watch these girls change the world….but we gotta let them do it while we watch from the sidelines, without calling all the shots.
And then, when it IS their time, after all the hard work and all the dedication, and all the times of being told “no” … when we watch them fall completely apart on stage because it’s *finally* their time and *THIS* is the crown they wanted more than anything in the world, I promise it will mean more than a million others.
So, step back.
Throw away your mental pro-con lists.
Hold out for that single moment that’s everything SHE dreamed of. (Not you.)
